Where is my courage?

"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov 2000

You know when you feel something in your heart and you know you have to do it but people around you make comments that you read into so you get discouraged with yourself because you are doing the uncool thing. I do.

I have really been struggling with being a housewife. I was in the process of being promoted in my job when my car died and we had to make a decision, do we get a new car or do we cut back a little and learn to live on one income. Of course these weren't the only two factors that went into the decision making, there were many more. We made our decision and I now work from home part time for a family owned company. I also read my scriptures more and write in my journal, cook meals and spend time with my husband driving him to and from work. I even get to crochet and paint. I know that what I am doing is right in my heart but my head is having a tough time wrapping around this concept.

It isn't easy allowing someone else to take care of me, but I enjoy taking care of John. Now that I have been home for 4 months he doesn't want me to go back to work, he says I am happier and that alone is worth it. I have even been getting better at math. When John and I were both working we each did 50% of the meals, cleaning, laundry and income this took care of 100% of our needs. Now that John is the sole provider he is doing 100% of that and I am doing 100% of the things in our home, this means 200% of our needs are being met, because we are each able to focus on our own responsibilities and taking care of the other person in our own element we are able to accomplish more. Our home is clean and the laundry gets done. When John has a stressful deadline I am able to be calm and focus on his needs rather then compete for the attention.

I am not saying that my way is the right way for everyone, in fact I feel very alone in this new stage of my life and I have little courage to stand confident in being a homemaker. This has been my lifelong dream and now that I get to live it I feel looked down upon and disliked for honoring my husband and following his council. I don't expect many to understand my choice but I do want to stand and say that I love taking care of my husband. I love waking up with him every morning and making his breakfast and his lunch. I love having dinner ready for him when he gets home and I love keeping our place clean so that he can come in from being out in a harsh world and have a sanctuary he can feel safe in. I know that what I am doing is making a difference to him, since he is the only one who really matters in the end, I am going to have the courage to stay home and create our own peace of heaven.