When you don't like lemonade

Why is it they always tell you to make lemonade? I don't drink lemonade in fact I don't eat sweets so I can't make a pie. I don't know what to do with all my sour lemons.

Last night Lissa was dropping me off at home after mutual. We began talking about the roller coaster ride that I have been on and how there don't seem to be many of the fun down hill parts, just the bumpy turns that make you wish you'd never gotten on. I was able to share with her the feelings I was having about the phone call I received earlier in the day from the state. They had a 3 day old boy they wanted to place in our home; the man on the other end must have thought I was crazy because I was so excited I was bouncing off the walls. I continued to explain about the second call I received 15 minutes later, telling me they no longer needed a placement for the new baby. My heart shattered! I cried and asked God why He would allow me to get the first phone call just to get the second one. Why is it that He wasn't even allowing me to take care of some one's unwanted baby. I had and still do have a hard time understanding why He would allow someone on drugs to bring such a wonderful gift into the world but he wont allow me. Since it had been a rough week I asked John to give me a blessing. During the blessing I felt so much comfort and strength. I had a realization that Heavenly Father hadn't asked us to be foster parents because He was trying to make up for not sending us a child, but He had asked us because He loves these children so much and He wants them to be able to learn about Him and be shown love. I realized that Heavenly Father allowed me to receive two phone calls yesterday so I will be able to love these children that come into our home even more. He allows me to feel sorrow so I will be able to comfort the children in their times of sorrow. It isn't about John or me, Heavenly Father asked us to do this for them. I am grateful to have been blessed with a little more understanding as to why He wont give me what it is that I desperately desire. Heavenly Father is there and He wants only what will bring us the greatest joy in the end. I keep thinking of His tender mercy's and the Angels that must be working so hard behind the scenes.

While Lissa and I were talking, she mentioned that she and her husband had discussed throwing me a baby shower. She wondered about inviting only the young women or adding other friends. I was so touched by this. Lissa had no idea I had been a little sad thinking, I will be bringing my first child home without the exciting adventures other women experience who get to keep their babies. I had been sad thinking that I may adopt a child I foster and never experience having a baby shower. I had never said anything to Lissa or anyone else about this but it was her thought of kindness that helped open my eyes to the awareness my Heavenly Father has for me. He keeps me in mind and is aware of my need for little acts of love.